How to Fight the Gaslighting of a Narcissist?

A kind of mental abuse, gaslighting is a way of manipulating someone such that the victim begins to question his or her own sanity, memory, and perception. This manipulative tactic can be interpreted when someone says any of these three things, “That didn’t happen,” “You imagined it” and “Are you crazy?”

Perhaps one of the most stealthy manipulative tactics, a narcissistic gaslighting contorts and erodes your sense of reality. This leads to two conflicting beliefs that sabotage your ability to trust yourself and inevitably put you out of action.

In order to fight toxic gaslighting, it is essential to ground oneself in the reality. Penning down the things that happened or telling a friend or reiterating the experience to support the network helps greatly in offsetting gaslighting effect. This proves as a powerful tactic to channel oneself from the twisted reality and redirect to own inner guidance.

1. Try Medium Chill

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An idea that sprang on internet boards, Medium Chill is about being detached and indifferent. It’s something utilized to let the narcissist get inside your head but without any effect. Offer empty pleasantries, don’t share anything, and maintain flat expression in this simple and powerful technique.

And when you give them a sign that you’re not getting affected by their manipulations, they’ll leave you alone and find someone else who can be manipulated more easily.

2. Get into the Robot Mode: Don’t Feel, Intellectualize

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In robot mode, you have to block your emotions; you just have to intellectualize and not feel what is going on between you and the narcissist. You must be aware that the narcissist is noticing your emotions and responses. 

So lock away your emotions from the toxic narcissist and stop thinking about what you’re feeling because only then can you analyze what’s exactly happening with a cool, detached, and free mind. And as a result, you will make better decisions about how to respond or not respond.

3. Practice the BIFF Technique

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For tackling one-on-one interactions with narcissists, Medium Chill is a good technique. But for written or text communication, the technique used is called BIFF.

BIFF is an abbreviation from the book “BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People”. Before sending out any written communication (and as much as possible, communication with DP benefits by being written), ask these questions:

• Is it Brief?
  
• Is it Informative?
  
• Is it Friendly?
  
• Is it Firm?
  

4. Shower Kindness Upon Them

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Sometimes giving a monster much larger quantities of resources than it can handle turns out to be the best way of killing the monster. The narcissist is accustomed to your praise, so simply give it to them. Rather shower it on them as much as you can.

5. Just Leave

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If you’re just too sick of dealing with that vindictive and virulent narcissist, just run away without ever looking back. It may feel hard initially but staying in will be harder. Leaving immediately is the best thing one can do to block off such harrowing behavior in the future. 

And from now on, you should no longer be blaming yourself because it was NOT your fault. Cry your heart out if it feels like and you’ll be alright.