7 Reasons Why INTJs Have A Hard Time Dating

INTJs seek strong, deep relationships, and trust their knowledge and logic to ensure that their partner is satisfied, both inte...

6 years ago
7 Reasons Why INTJs Have A Hard Time Dating

INTJs seek strong, deep relationships, and trust their knowledge and logic to ensure that their partner is satisfied, both intellectually and physically.

Once the INTJ does find someone worthy of their personal investment, they make loyal and passionate mates. They view their mate as a partner with whom they can explore the world of ideas, a sounding board, an extension of their own mind.

1. Unlike Other People INTJs Pursue Love WIth The Brains Before Their Heart

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In romance, people with the INTJ personality type approach things the way they do with most situations: they compose a series of calculated actions with a predicted and desirable end goal – a healthy long-term relationship. Rather than falling head over heels in a whirlwind of passion and romance, INTJs identify potential partners who meet a certain range of pre-determined criteria, break the dating process down into a series of measurable milestones, then proceed to execute the plan with clinical precision.

2. You Can Only See Them Bloom In Their Comfort Zones, It’s A Rare & Beautiful Sight

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The positive side of INTJs’ “giving up” is that they are most attractive when they aren’t trying to be attractive, working in a familiar environment where their confidence and intelligence can be seen in action. Allowing others to come to them is often INTJs’ best strategy, and if they perceive a potential to the relationship, they will spare no effort in developing and maintaining stability and long-term satisfaction.

3. They Are The Old School Romantics Stuck In A Hook Up Culture

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INTJs feel pledged to the relationship with or without a marriage license, and do not hold to societies standards of mating behavior; rules and formalities hold little pressure for them. They might put up with the ceremonies, licenses, and other hubbub to please their family or mate, but generally they simply do not care. What matters to the INTJ is individual commitment, a personal contract they strictly adhere to.

4. It’s Hard For Them To Express Their Feelings, Which They’ve Been Good Concealing At

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Problem is, we have not yet developed any sort of vocabulary to describe what's going on in our hearts. It's not cheap for us to love someone, and we're often fearful of attaching value to mere "feelings" in case they turn out to be fleeting. Most INTJs won't admit to caring for someone until they are completely sure it's genuine. By then our feelings are so obvious to us that we don't think they're worth mentioning.

This lack of vocabulary can make other people feel incredibly insecure. Affectionate words go a long way for many, especially Feelers, who need verbal encouragement to feel good about the relationship. So grit your teeth and whisper those sweet nothings if you want your partner to know that you care.

5. The Inherent Need To Be Perfect Takes A Toll On Their Relationships

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INTJ is definitely a perfectionist at heart. Planning, rules, and deadlines help to reinforce the sense of order that INTJ craves. This person would be greatly put-off by disorder and messiness because they not only find it distracting but also inefficient. “Scientists” will devote a massive amount of energy to ensure that a project turns out as well as possible. They are especially dedicated to pursuits that strike up feelings of intrigue or exhilaration. Although INTJ definitely prefers to be in a tidy and productive environment, they can become frustrated in a stifling environment. This is especially true with romantic relationships, as INTJ needs to be able to have the freedom to seek out and mull over new concepts. They can be counted on to think “outside the box” and come up with an unconventional yet practical resolution.

6. Sex For INTJs Is Not Just About The Bodily Pleasures

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To the INTJ, arousal is not purely instinctual. Attraction begins in the mind and the best way to get them in the mood is to mention a sexual fantasy that gets them thinking – hard. INTJs are creative, kinky lovers who view some parts of sex as a challenge. They want to constantly improve their game and continually get their partner off in better, more creative ways. This type enjoys the mental connection that comes with sexual intimacy just as much as they enjoy the raw physical component.

7. Their Patience Level Is Unreal And One Will Have To Go Far To Make Them Take The Leap

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Another unfortunate problem for the INTJ is their infinite patience when it comes to dating. They are meticulous, developing intimacy rather slowly. A person may pique their interest, but they are unhurried, studying the ins and outs of the relationship, dipping their toes in one at a time for lengthy intervals. A year may go by, then two, and when they finally decide they actually are in love, the person of interest may have already moved on. Thus, many INTJs do not get married until the latter years of life.

It Is True What They Say About The Intellectual Folks

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“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”

Non-Verbal INFJs Make Perfect Partners For The Inhumanly Patient INTJs

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INFJs show a strong preference for quality time as their love language, followed closely by words of affirmation and physical touch.

To recognize the INFJ’s love for you, be conscious of the time that they are setting aside to spend with you – this is their main method of expressing devotion. If the INFJ flatters or compliments you, take their words at face value – they have likely been thought out carefully and are meant sincerely. Lastly, accept and reciprocate your INFJ’s acts of physical affection! This type isn’t open to hugs or touches from just anyone, so if they’re being affectionate with you, it’s their way of saying ‘I love you.’


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